who are you who are you whoareyouwhoamiwhoami how are we here howarewehere how did we get here so fast how is this happening so quickly since when did your face look like that to me, because trust me, your face looked different before I fell in love with you
I fell in love with you?
when did that happen? Where did it change from just another guy who liked me to your face looking like that
look at me lookatme since when did I write on this blog? What have you done to me?
what haven't you done to me? Why is it so easy to like you when I'm around you
why is it so hard to like you when I'm around you
why can't this be a consistent no
why can't this be a consistent yes
I need a break I need a break ineedabreak
I can't see you anymore
my feelings overwhelm my brain as I try to sort them out but I can't tell which ones are the logical ones and which ones are the emotional ones
Why do I like being around you so much? why can't I see you like I did before?
How even did I see you before?
I can't remember All I remember is that we were together when we first met, and last week I told you I didn't ever think about you during the day and then all of a sudden I was thinking about you during all hours of the day and night and I didn't mean to start doing that but it's not exactly something I can help
I just wanted to
Why can't I be normal and just feel nonconflicted This should feel right and normal and ready
but it does not and i do not
i've trapped myself in a cage and locked it You keep handing me the key and I keep throwing it away
i want to date you
i want to date you
i want to date you
i want to date you
i really dont want to date you
i really don't want commitment issues
i really don't want to deal with disinterest after I already committed interest
i really don't want to hurt you
because the last time i didn't hurt someone it still hurt both of us
and it was really hard
and why would I put our friendship in jeopardy when I could have everything I needed in a friendship?
Well
truth is,
friendship doesn't exactly give me everything i need
but what would people say? Why am I so worried about it? How would this affect my ability to do my job? How would this affect the way I see you?
It already has affected the way I see you Your face is different You smile more You never look unattractive, except when you do
but going over to your apartment feels obligatory even though its something i want
jared told me he wasn't blind today
i told him it was none of his business
i don't have time for you i don't have time for me
you tell me we shouldn't expect anything out of the other person, and continue to act like we have been
But every day I see you it gets harder not to reach out for your hand or bury my face into your shoulder
I just need a break
I just need to stop worrying about it
i feel like it consumes me all the time
i cant stop thinking about it
i cant act like i don't like you
i act like we're dating because i miss it
but i don't miss the fear
and that's why im confused
it makes so much sense to date you, and yet it makes no sense at all
i
I, you
I don't know how i feel about you
but trust me, I'll feel different in the morning.
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