How to Distract Me

I can only imagine falling softly

your warm embrace as I relax and place my forehead on your chest.

The light is rosy and glows gently through my eyelids as I rest in your arms.

Everything is peaceful.

Everything is safe.

Your hands draw snaking spirals on my back

slowly

lightly

and I sigh because I've never felt relief like this before.

Just to be loved.

Just to be held.

And told everything's going to be ok.

Because here's in your arms

I believe it will be.

In this infinite moment of serenity

I don't have to think about anything

and I just listen to your breathing

and your heartbeat

and focus on the benign touch of your fingers brushing through my hair.

It's nice to find the cure for the anxiety,

because when I'm touching you

it all melts away.

And I feel like myself again.

The only two things I'm afraid of.

I'm afraid of being afraid. And I'm afraid of pain. And although those are only two things, they encompass pretty much everything. I'm not afraid to get my heart broken. I'm afraid of trying to mend it. I'm not afraid of trusting people. I'm afraid of getting hurt by them. I'm not afraid of the haunted forest. I'm afraid of the dread and anxious exhilaration I feel when I go. I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid of falling and breaking all the bones in my body and living through it. I'm not afraid of living. I'm afraid of not being noticed. I'm not afraid of doing something wrong. I'm afraid of trying to right it. I'm not afraid of people. I'm afraid of being so beneath their notice they don't even give me a chance. I'm not afraid of you leaving. I'm afraid of you not coming back. 

Alive

Alive is when we're driving to school and the windows are down and the cold air is freezing us to our seats.

Alive is when we're in the car blasting the Killers or Third Eye Blind and singing until our throats are sore. 

Alive is when the air is rushing past you on a zip line going 10000 miles an hour and you feel like you're going to smack into the ground or a tree but you stop just in time. 

Alive is when I dropped you off after Preference and wanted more than you gave me. 

Alive is the feeling at the top on Mount Timpanogos when you're freezing while watching the sun rise and your bones hurt but it was all worth it. 

Alive isn't just living and breathing. 

Alive is when your heart is beating so fast you feel like you're going to throw up. It's when there's adrenaline instead of blood pumping through your veins. Alive is living life to the fullest and knowing you only get one shot at it. 

So stop living life afraid of what people think, and crawl out from that rock you're living under. Do something that scares you. Ask that girl out. Make it to the top of Angel's Landing. Try out for the team. Wear that crazy turtleneck to school. Because before you know it, life will be over, and you'll have to look back and decide for yourself if it was all worth it. 

-ick

You are so thick like a brick and my heart pricks from you. The wick of our candle has gone out because you no longer pick me up when I fall. Quick save me I say and you watch as I kick the ground with my body, not moving. You make me sick he says and walks away. The girls in every clique known to man talk and talk and time ticks and I'm still on the ground and the crick in my neck becomes unbearable. So I grit my teeth and stick to the fading hope I have and start my wicked ascent up. My head dimly hurts as I take my licks but I stop and look at the chick you picked up when you clicked out of my life and she's everything I'm not. But let me just say I liked you better when you weren't such a 

I See Dead People

What if we were all dead and we didn't know it. What if instead of living our lives right to attain glory after we die, we live our lives right in order to be able to live? What if everything we've experienced now doesn't matter, because all it does is give us a chance to start over? What if when we die, if we haven't been good enough, we start this life over until we do?

But then the words of a previous teacher come to mind.

"What if aliens came and sucked out your brains?"

So I stop thinking about it.

Love will take your heart out and stomp on it and then sew it back into your chest with it's eyes shut

I called you yesterday to talk about another boy.
I know you don't like it when I do that, but I needed someone to talk to. When you answered the phone I caught my breath. I didn't realize I'd missed your voice that much. I told you about him, all the while feeling more and more treacherous. After I finished, you didn't say anything so I asked you about that thing you said you wouldn't tell me until we were together next. I knew you couldn't resist telling me when you heard it from my lips, and you did. I wish you hadn't. You told me the very thing I dreaded from you.
But I so desperately wanted to hear it.

"I keep coming back to you. Everything about you draws me in. Your emotions, energy, looks, all of it."

I didn't know what to say.
I still don't.
I swear the only emotions I've displayed to you were doubt in myself and fear of what others think. But I guess you saw more than that.
So thanks.
And I'm sorry.